Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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