I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
