dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Houston, we have a squirter
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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