i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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