She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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