Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
