proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
