I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
