69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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