let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
