true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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