So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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