im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
