did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
