Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
