Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
