i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
