Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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