Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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