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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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