Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
