alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
