Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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