Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
