tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
