drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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