my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
