you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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