i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
