My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
where are you?
Hypothermia
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
