My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
