the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
