So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm like, not good at living.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
