i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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