Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
