that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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