??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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