I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
