I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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