in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
