She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
