I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
