Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
