im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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