Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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