the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
