I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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