Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
