i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
