I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
