Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize