HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I am midnight drunk by noon
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up