i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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