she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.