Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.