I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY