I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The ass gains better be worth it
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