We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
