Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
