How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
