Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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