so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
