Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
