I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
