dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
