LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
