who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
