OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
