I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
