there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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