Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
