You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
