So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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