You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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