I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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