this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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